It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
