No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize