found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
