what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
