I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
