A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
