i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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