I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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