$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
