mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
