I looked at my own cervix.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
