Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
