If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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