Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
