its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
