Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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