Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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