and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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