I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
