just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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