it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
