Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
