Whod you bang
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
