It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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