I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
