piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
