can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
