there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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