Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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