that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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