speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize