Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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