Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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