woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
