I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
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Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
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I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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