mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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