So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
