I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
