I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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