and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
