i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
you had me at cake vodka
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
