If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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