Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
