you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dignity is for republicans.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
