You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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