I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You are the jesus of drinking
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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