You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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