im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
