She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
