He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
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I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
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Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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