It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
