I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
