It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
