people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
