Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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