I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize