All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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