Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
