so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
