I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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