YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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