I just saw a hot homeless man
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
