she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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