ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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