u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
