The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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